Friday, February 22, 2008

It was short and sweet while it lasted...

I regretfully have to say that there is no more October baby in the works.

It appears I've had my second miscarriage, thankfully I had baby Billy between them though. So I know that I CAN get pregnant again, and usually fairly quickly, and it will probably be okay next time.

I did all of my crying yesterday, the day I knew it wasn't going to be good news although I hadn't had it confirmed by my Dr. yet. A woman just knows what is normal in pregnancy, and what isn't. I will spare the details, but I knew it was a lost cause.

I had my ultrasound this morning. A tiny wee little bit of me was still holding on to the smallest glimmer of hope that it's just "one of those things" and everything was going to be fine. It has happened before, to other women though.

Not me, usually in my case-it seems to be always the worst case scenario. No miracles here.

I did not get the official word from my Dr. yet as the ultrasound tech could not tell me anything, but I could tell. There wasn't anything that looked like a baby on the screen, nothing she measured that looked like a baby and no checking for any heartbeats. So it's officially I just wait for the call from my Dr. but I already know what he is going to say.

It's hard to be excited and planning and thinking about the future when suddenly its all taken away from you, the rug pulled out from under you so to speak.

I'm okay today. I've moved beyond the initial shock and grief and am feeling a tad bit better.

I just pray now that things move along quickly and we can start trying to have another baby again soon.

So thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, they really do mean a lot even if I don't say it. However I'm not one for socializing or talking about it just yet...almost, just not yet. If I could just curl up in a ball and not emerge for a few months I would. I'd like to deal with it on my own, in my own way, but I know there are those who are concerned about me and want to know how/what is going on .

I'll be able to talk about it soon...just not yet.


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